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Bringing Back Paula Abdul, Cold Hearted Snake

"Ooh Ahh, look into his eyes! Ooh Ahh, he's been telling lies." Oh Paula of Forever Your Girl, wherefore art thee?

Walking along Queen West with my dance poppet I, we passed through many construction areas as many buildings are undergoing the makeover of re-gentrification.  I told him that the scaffolding reminds me of Paula Abdul’s ‘Cold Hearted Snake’ video, which for its time was extremely provocative.  Miss Paula circa ’80’s could do no wrong.  I mean, she was the Rihanna of the day, she dated Arsenio Hall, choreographed her own dance numbers and she was doing group ‘heavy breathing’ and ‘spirit fingers’ while Britney was still a Mouseketeer.  Everyone I knew had memorized the lyrics to every song on ‘Forever Your Girl.’  I played Straight Up and Opposites Attract over and over until I had to use a pencil to unwind my cassette tape.

On our next adventure to karaoke, I will definitely peer pressure gently influence my friends into singing this song.  I foresee the hipsters going craaazy.  Some styling cues that I will take from the 80’s and bring into modern 2010:

Gi-normous bow headband. If you're going to do Cold-Hearted Snake, you have to go ALL THE WAY authentic.

Free People East Meets West body-con dress. Great for extra limber Bob Fosse style choreography.

Patricia Field Spy Gloves. This is a great stage move: tipping your hat on the profile. The crowd will eat it up.

And now to relive the salty goodness that is Paula Abdul’s Cold-Hearted Snake, please click on the link below.  You will be singing it for days:  “He’s a lover boy by trade, He don’t play by rules, Ooh oh, Girl don’t play the fool now.” (After all these years, I still remember the words.  Oh deep engrained cellular memory!)  There are countless amazing moments in this video, you may have to watch it twice (gliding across the floor in knee pads, mesh top with tassles, Paula being lowered from the scaffolding, simulated sex positions, etc, etc).  Enjoy!

Paula Abdul – Cold Hearted Snake Video

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